The Final Countdown

I've got a bone to pick.

Not a ham bone or a turkey bone, thank goodness. Not a funny bone, either. And not a Thugs-N-Harmony Bone, for what it's worth.

I already picked this bone with someone on Facebook this morning, but apparently I wasn't satisfied. So I'll pick it again here on the blog...

After working at the restaurant last night, I got home just in time to watch the fourth quarter of the Franklin American Mortgage Company Music City Bowl last night, between the North Carolina Tarheels and my beloved Tennessee Volunteers.

My Vols were winning the game by three points when time expired on the game clock. They won the game. Then, all of a sudden, they didn't.

Apparently, the Christmas Spirit was still hard at work in Nashville last night, because one of the officiating crew was feeling mighty charitable. In an astounding show of goodwill, North Carolina received a free try at a field goal, which they kicked successfully. The tied game went into overtime.

I'll spare you the rest of the details of the game, but the end result was most unfortunate, from where I was sitting.

Through the television set, I was fed the following rationale for the bizarre, unlikely turn of events that took place at the end of the fourth quarter: On the last play before time expired, the officials said after reviewing a video replay, the clock should have been stopped with one second remaining in the game.

When I officiated HS football three or four years ago, one of the jobs in the officiating crew, in addition to the striped guys you see out on the field, was clock operator. Starting and stopping the clock were that person's only functions. And both were done using the same button. Easy enough.

I was told in my very first game as clock operator that the cardinal rule of being clock operator, no matter what happened on the field, was that you never, ever, ever stop the clock leaving only one second at the end of a half. Just let it run out. This is justified in the high school football rule book because it says the clock operator must be given a "reasonable amount of time" to react to the other officials' signals at the end of a play. So the span of one second is generally considered within the margin of human error - a margin too insignificant to expect the person operating the clock to account for every single time the clock is started or stopped.

As it was explained to me, the main reason for this rule is avoiding the type of hysterical ending that played out last night - people leaving and/or rushing onto the field, and then having to be ushered off or called back on before resuming the last play of the game. The crew simply wouldn't insist on holding itself responsible for a game that was complete. Zero on the clock meant the game result was final.

A side effect of this rule was that it allowed the crew to initiate their "escape plan" the moment the game became finalized. They actually had a mapped-out scheme, kinda like a fire escape plan, where the officials were able to be in the same vehicle heading off-campus within seconds of the last tick, and they went over the plan together before each game. So they kinda knew two seconds before everyone else that the game was over, and could maybe get a head start on the unruly mob coming after them for all the other bad calls.

All that said, I'm a little miffed because in sports, "final" is supposed to be "final". Not, "let's go back after it's final and look at the tape to make sure it was really final." If the game isn't finalized after time expires, then when do you draw the line? Seven minutes later? 25 minutes? Could the officials have waited until this morning to call the teams back to the stadium and replay the last second of regulation time? Maybe next week they could make the trip back to Nashville?

2010 is just about final. If the year were 60 minutes long, I imagine we'd be in the last second or two as I write this. I'm gonna

go ahead and consider it 2011 at this point, because unlike the Franklin American Mortgage Company Music City Bowl officials, I can't go back and fix the mistakes I made in 2010. You can only leave them behind you.

People make New Year's resolutions with a mind to change something about themselves in the future. Thinking about the future is good. Studies in sport psychology have shown that constantly visualizing yourself performing something well can lead to better actual performance when it counts.

But what if the word "resolution" took on a slightly different meaning? Let's look at the word "resolve". To resolve to do something (like lose weight) is to make up your mind - to leave no doubt. But to resolve a problem or situation is also to bring about a suitable ending. The first definition - the one folks use most often around this time of year - looks optimistically toward the future, but the second one focuses more realistically on the past and the present.

In past blog entries I've played down the use of strict principles and bold proclamations as motivation. So, I'm gonna go with the second type of resolution this year. I've decided I can make up my mind as many times as I want - I can make myself a new promise after every weekend, or at the beginning of every month. It may be the surest thing I've ever felt. But chances are, I'm gonna feel zero confidence at some point in the future. Will that promise alone be enough?

I picked up alot of bad habits in 2009 and 2010. General laziness, for one. And procrastination. And lack of organization. Knowing and staying aware of your weaknesses is a great first step in resolving them.

So instead of reaching for something in the future, I'm gonna try to leave some things in the past. When 2010 goes final, I'll have lived and learned quite a good deal for one year. What more suitable ending to 2010 than to completely leave it behind, and to use those lessons learned to my advantage in 2011?

And maybe next year, at the 2011 Franklin American Mortgage Company Music City Bowl, they can bring the teams back and finally finish the game that never should have ended last night.

Handing Out Grades

Yesterday being the last day of school here in Knox County, time to do some evaluation and give out grades to some deserving recipients!

Grad School: B+

Nobody likes homework, but fortunately the one course I took this semester was light on assignments, and I got an 'A'. Good thing too, 'cause in the process I think I came down with senioritis all over again. Eh, it's almost over anyway. Working with the athletic department's been a blast, too.

Fine dining in Knoxville: D

It doesn't really exist. Oh sure, there's plenty of dining. I think, at one point, we even held the national title for most restaurants per capita - maybe we still have it. But there's nothing fine about dining out when the next table over is chasing a three-year-old around the table or complaining about how "them dang ole dawgs is back agin".

Campus Rec Center: C

It's got all the basics. Nothin' fancy. Parking's sometimes a problem, and the hours are a little inconvenient sometimes. They tend to cut back the open hours every time there's a break in classes, which is generally when I have the most time to spend. Tons of equipment and resources though. I only wish they provided towel service and soap/shampoo dispensers in the showers like some of the commercial rec centers I've used.

CrossFit K-Town: A+

Haven't been back since my first trip a couple months ago. But I sure need to go again. Their free Saturday morning workout is the best thing going in town, as far as fitness.

Thanksgiving: F

Spent the whole day, around 11 a.m. to 11 p.m., working at the restaurant. Not voluntarily, either. I told one of the customers that, too.

Black Friday: D

Overrated. I don't care if they're selling TV's at 60% off. I can't believe there are that many folks out there who prefer electronics and hours of waiting in line to sleep. And I didn't even get to pound anyone.

The Internet: C+

Not sure what it's good for, besides playing games and funny videos. It's amusing sometimes, but it seems to take up way too much of my time. Gave it a plus because of the blog, Wikipedia, and IMDB.com.

Snow: B+

Two wintry storms last week. One left an inch of snow, the other dumped ice. Neither stuck around for more then 24 hours, but I'm grading easy this time, since it technically wasn't winter until yesterday. Got outside and spent a solid 30-45 minutes pulling the Preschooler around the yard in a saucer sled. She wanted to go fast downhill... and uphill too. Got in my workout for the day.

My Fantasy Football teams, "The Ron Mexico Show" and "Legend of Ron Mexico": A

It's taken the better part of my restraint not to bring up fantasy football until this far into the blog. I've only referenced football in general briefly once or twice. That's the kind of willpower 30 by 30 is all about. But I'm only human. My two teams went a combined 20-6 during the season, and two or three of those losses came at the end, with nothing left to play for. My better team plays for the championship this week, and the other is still alive for 5th place after giving up a huge lead in a last-second playoff loss.

And last, but practically least... Me: C+

This grade is composed of three categories.

Exercise: C

My exercise routine started with a bang, but hasn't been the best part of my 30 by 30 campaign lately. Last week was a better one, but I went about three weeks there without doing much of anything, in terms of exercise.

Diet: B+

At one point, I stopped keeping exact count of calories, and maybe that was a mistake. Despite not logging them on the blog, I started counting again. Just haven't been able to write enough to justify typing it all out. So far, diet has been my strong point in this amateur weight loss project. I've got a real weakness for fried stuff, pizza, and fatty meats, but fortunately I don't have much of a sweet tooth and I've been able to mostly refrain from overeating.

Hydration: D

This is a problem, I'm sure. I was completely neglecting water for the first few weeks. When I got sick last month, I re-acquainted myself with sports drinks, and although I'm probably more hydrated now, they've also got alot of sugar. I'm in the process of weaning myself by going to diet sport drinks, and hopefully that'll make it easier to remember to drink water instead.

I've kinda put myself in a corner. I'm down to the final six weeks here, and I've got 16 pounds left to lose. It's gonna take an 'A' or 'B+' effort from here on.

WEDNESDAY 12/22/10 DIET LOG:

9:00 a.m. one "everything" bagel from Panera Bread, with about two tablespoons Smart Balance Light 400 calories

Christmas is All Around Me

That's not a photo of me blogging this morning on a typewriter. It's a screenshot I ripped from the Christmas classic, Love Actually. The Wife and I, like many others, made this flick our holiday couples' tradition a few years ago.

If you haven't seen the movie, you probably avoided it intentionally, because of the "chick flick" stigma that comes with romantic comedies. Someone's probably recommended it, and you've just smiled and nodded graciously. Seeing Hugh Grant and/or Colin Firth on the cover of any movie seems to cause me to do the same.

But it's an all-star cast with an amazing patchwork-style script (think Crash, Pulp Fiction, Magnolia, minus the violence) and a brilliantly navigated soundtrack. It's rated R, for nudity, sexuality, and language, and it deserves the rating. But this is one of the rarer-than-rare times that my disdain for romantic British hunks and The Wife's sensitivity to R-rated material are both easily pushed aside, and we can agree perfectly on a movie.

Just go rent it. Or steal it. Or come borrow my copy, if you like. After Wednesday, that is. That's the night we plan to watch it.

Not trying to write a movie review here... I leave that to the good folks over at Knoxfilmjunkie.com. Only wanted to throw up that timely reminder of the looming holiday deadline, so that I could awkwardly segue into what I wanted to talk about today.

The mail usually runs slow around this time of year, and perhaps my slacker brain cell has gotten the best of me and caused me to wait too long. But it's time, if not past time, to send out Christmas cards. And what better Christmas cards to send out than free ones?!

My friends the MCB's turned me on to this promotion at Shutterfly.com. Since I have a blog (sometimes), I was able to sign up to get some free stuff by writing about their products.

Typically, when we send out cards, The Wife chooses two or three and I make the final decision. But this year, it's the other way around. In the spirit of the promotion, I've selected three possible themes for this year's cards, and they're all inspired by 30 by 30. And we're putting photos of the girls on the cards, so wanted a design to reflect that, and have room for at least 2 pics.

The finalists (in no particular order, and each pic links back to product details on Shutterfly):

I found this one and immediately thought... Lists!

The banner in the middle of this card caught my eye. It looked delicious. Reminded me of chocolate. Then I saw the title of the design: "Sweet Chocolate". Duh. How appropriate for a blog about diet and weight loss. Speaking of chocolate, The Wife made Kahlua fudge yesterday. There just might be a connection here.

I looked, but couldn't find an Asian-themed card, so I reached a little bit.

The "Back"ground of this card is Black. Get it? Back... in... Black?

Now that I've fulfilled my obligations to my sponsor, feel free to click over to Shutterfly and buy stuff. And The Wife will probably read the comments below, so if you want to, you can try and influence the final decision.

I went to the mall yesterday. Not on my own behalf, but running some errands for others (I'm the charitable sort). Made some observations, though, while I was there:

1. Some people at the mall seem perfectly willing to just walk right into you, if you don't alter your path first, before the collision occurs. This happens way too often for comfort.
2. Must be awesome to be one of those old folks, just sittin' away the hours in those comfy chairs at the entrances to the mall. I'm not being sarcastic this time. That really looks awesome. What I don't like is when the chairs are coin-operated massage chairs and they're not on. What if I want a mall-chair massage? "Excuse me, sir? If you're not gonna turn that chair on, would you mind sitting over there?"
3. Those folks standing at the kiosks in the medians must be seasonally out-of-work carnival workers. They're gonna get your attention one way or another. The only way to escape being pitched their miracle cosmetics or made-in-Afghanistan trinkets is to look straight ahead, don't make eye contact, just keep on walking...
4. How cleverly inconvenient of them to put the registers all the way in the back of the store.
5. Now, the mall cops are on wheels. Not golf carts, or bikes, or even rollerblades. I'm talking about some kind of Jetsons-lookin' two-wheel hovercraft thing straight from the movie Total Recall - or maybe one of those Stallone sci-fi's.
6. There's a space in a food court in every mall in America claiming it sells "Cajun" food. Except every single one is run by people of Asian heritage, and every one sells food suspiciously identical to your local Chinese buffet. Bourbon Chicken? Or Honey Chicken? I guess they figured out you can sell twice as much Asian food if you sell it from opposite sides of the food court and call one side something else. "Cajun" just happened to rhyme with "Asian".
   
7. My favorite store in the mall, by far, is Williams-Sonoma. I could easily spend a million dollars in there, and after that bought me a coffeemaker, I could probably spend a million more.

I'm gonna be late for work.

9:00 a.m. 2 eggs, scrambled, one bacon strip, 1 small bran muffin with butter 350 calories

1:30 p.m. ate about 4 oz of a 6 oz portion of homemade chicken lasagna, small salad with Honey Bacon French dressing 500 calories

NO WORKOUT SATURDAY 12/11/10

Brain Cells

There's a three-year-old person living in our house. Just down the hall from the dining room. Last right before the bathroom. She eats here, sleeps here, does just about any other function here that a normal person would do. They call her The Preschooler, AKA The Tiny Dictator, AKA Thing One.

This three-year-old person has exactly three brain cells. She's grown one brain cell for every year of her life. I've figured this out, because I have seen them develop over time, and I know exactly what each one of them does.

The first brain cell that The Preschooler developed, in year one, was the control brain cell. This is used to establish supremacy in the household. Need something to eat? Make the parents feed you. Have a dirty diaper? Make them change you. Need a nap? Not really in the "relax-and-fall-asleep" mood? Just have the parents rock you to sleep. It's really simple. You can scream until their ears peel, act like you have no mastery of your bodily functions, keep them awake all night... basically, just do whatever is required to maintain control in every situation.

The next brain cell that developed was the vocabulary brain cell. This is the one that picks up on any and every word that is spoken. It gave her all the weapons necessary to creatively subvert authority, even after her infantile rage and distress were played out. This took control to a whole new level.

The vocabulary brain cell made it possible for the child to learn - and retain - new words and phrases, such as "Pygmy Marmoset", and "Coati", which the parents' combined 60 years of experience had never before encountered. Not only were there new terms, but with the aid of the control brain cell, the child learned to marshal her newfound vocabulary to demand, coerce, beg, reason, manipulate, argue, and sweet-talk her way into pretty much anything she wanted.

In the third year of life, the Preschooler has developed the brain cell known as the opposite brain cell. This brain cell is potentially the most daunting yet. It has the power, at any given moment - sometimes completely at random - to turn any conversation or situation completely on its head.

At first, we thought we had this one figured out. It's called "reverse psychology". I know a little about this. More than a three-year-old knows, at least. In order to get her to eat her eggs, you tell her she can't eat all of the eggs. You want the child to come to you? Act like you don't know where she is, or pretend like she's invisible. She'll come.

It worked like a charm... for a while. Then she learned how to "double back". Soon, she figured out what was going on, and learned to perceive what agenda you were trying to accomplish, rather than simply taking your words at face value and turning them around to set her objective. So we were back to opposite again.

The other day I was having a late breakfast of tuna salad and crackers.

Did he just say tuna salad? For breakfast? I don't think that's even human.

Yes, I said tuna salad. Or at least my dumbed-down, quick-and-easy version of it. No mustard, no eggs, no relish. None of that fancy stuff. Just canned tuna with a touch of mayo to bind it together.

Well, anyway, I was having tuna salad, and the Preschooler took notice. When lunchtime rolled around, I was sure she'd ask for one of her staples - ham and cheese, frozen corn dog, or whatever leftovers in the fridge involved melted cheese and/or ketchup. But of course she did the opposite of what I expected and asked for the tuna instead. The little ankle-biter ate all the tuna, minus the crackers I supplied, and loved it.

I really ought to stop writing about the Preschooler in my blog, because someday she'll learn to read. And then she'll start using the internet. And then she'll probably get on Facebook and trash me to all of her friends. Hey, future Preschooler? If you're reading this... what say we call a truce?

You'll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump.

And the chances are, then, that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump, you're not in for much fun.

Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.

-from Oh! The Places You'll Go!

by the immortal Dr. Seuss

The Preschooler's daddy has a few brain cells too - 29 of them, to be exact. The latest one to emerge is called the "slacker" brain cell. Rather than aiding in the accomplishment of simple tasks, this one is self-defeating. It's infectious. It goes around convincing all the other brain cells to take the day off.

Maybe it's a result of going back to school, or getting old and fat, or just having more important things to worry about in general, but it's getting harder and harder to function as a normal, real-life human being. Procrastinating until the absolute last minute to do stuff, always running late, sometimes missing important dates and meetings completely.

So when I say, "I fell off the wagon," what I really mean is, "I'm still a slacker and nothing has ever really changed about that."

I blogged a couple weeks ago, and I've only worked out a couple times since then. First I was sick, then there was Thanksgiving, and then there was family visiting, and the end of the semester, and waaay too much work, and up all night with kids crying and no sleep, and... sick again the last couple of days.

There's always something. Right?

I've got seven weeks left, as of this coming Monday. The scale says I gained about three and a half pounds back in two sedentary weeks with turkey and dressing and cheesy baked casseroles and the occasional run for the border and splurging on holiday goodness. So it's gonna take everything I've got to finish strong. There's gonna be between 15-20 pounds to lose before January 31. Here's what I'm thinking:

1) Workouts may be toned down in intensity, to avoid burnout, but I may need to extend the duration sometimes. I want to burn calories at a constant pace rather than try to set a new heart rate max every day.

2) Going back to calorie-counting. A couple of friends suggested this calorie counter which I haven't really used on a daily basis, but it's at least an interesting toy to play with. I don't know if it'll solve my problems with time-consuming lists of ingredients and figuring out every meal from scratch (we don't buy a whole lot of packaged food), but it'll be a good place to start.

3) In addition to calorie counting, I'm also going to measure water intake. That's probably pretty important to keeping motivated.

3) It helps that school is out, and I'm easing off on some other voluntary commitments until it resumes.

4) My part-time gig at the restaurant is busy as ever for the next couple weeks, and working there is almost like an additional daily workout (on my feet constantly for five to six hour stretches), so there's a chance to burn extra calories.

If all else fails, me and the Preschooler are going to have a talk about this "opposite" thing and how to harness it for good, rather than evil. Both of us, that is.

Back in Black

Black. The color of cast-iron skillets. The color of most pens. The color of these words.

Black is the new brown. Black is urban and hip. Black is the color of the Friday after Thanksgiving, and the color of the sky at the wee hour when millions of folks go out to worship at the shrine of the retail gods.

Who would engage in such a ghastly, primitive ritual? Surely not I. Surely.

Guess again.

Always one to "try anything once", I've never actually been out on a Black Friday shopping experience, and I wanted to see what all the fuss is about. This year was a perfect opportunity. The Fam is all out of town, so I'm pretty much free to come and go as I please. Maybe get up early, do a little poking around at a Wal-Mart or a Toys R Us, then crawl back in bed and snooze a while longer.

So I set about to do just that this morning - and I intended to document the experience in full.

We've all heard the Black Friday horror stories about people being trampled to death for a flatscreen TV, or being punched in the face for a Tickle-Me Elmo. I understand some tragedies have occurred as a result of an unruly mob's pursuit of an insane shopping deal. But surely nothing like that goes on in little ol' Knoxville, Tennessee, right?

I mean, out of 250,000 people in this town, only a fraction of those are crazy enough to go out at 4 a.m., right? And even then, that fraction would be spread out over 15-20 various mega-outlets... Wal-Marts, Targets, K-Marts, Sears's, Toys R Us's, and Best Buys, just to name a few. There wouldn't be any lives in danger, but I figured there'd still be large crowds, maybe even some unruly ones.

In fact, secretly, I was hoping to get in on some of the running, shoving, shouting, clamoring, wrestling action just for fun. Maybe find my way to a super-deal by following the herd, and then get in a good workout as I took advantage of the opportunity to commit socially acceptable and harmless violence on my fellow man. Maybe sell whatever I bought on E-Bay for some extra Christmas cash. Maybe just participate in the frenzy and leave empty-handed, but no poorer than I came and with some hilarious anecdotes to blog about. I'll just go ahead and tell you... I was really let down by my Black Friday experience.

Here's how it got started:

3:00 a.m. Woken up by alarm clock. Giving serious thought to going back to sleep, given that I was lying in bed awake until around 1 a.m. and didn't get more than two hours' sleep, max. Remembered the coffee that I'd programmed to brew at 2:45 a.m... well, I at least had to get up and shut the pot off.

3:05 a.m. Research time. I wanted to find out if I was going through with this, where my point of attack would be. Got online and went through the options. Wal-Mart was the type of place I'd had in mind - the kind of store that attracts the plaid-and-camo-wearing, diesel-driving, singing-fish-buying crowd. Problem with Wal-Mart was, it's open 24 hours/day so there wouldn't be a big grand opening. Same with Toys R Us... they opened at 10 p.m. Sears wasn't a big enough toy destination, and there was a pretty good chance I could find myself making a beeline for the latest collectors' fad - Squinkies. I heard they were selling out fast. K-Mart is a little too unattractive to ever go in there. Best Buy - I might accidentally break and/or buy something I can't afford. So I settled on Target. They open at 4 a.m. today. Perfect.

3:15 a.m. Pouring my coffee into a mug. Gonna take a shower (why? because I'm quirky like that. See this earlier post for more info), and I want that cup of coffee down to a perfect sipping temp by the time I'm done. Don't wanna boin my widdow mouffie...

3:20 a.m. Hot, hot shower wakes me up a little bit too.

3:30 a.m. Decked out in sweats, for comfort and full range of motion. Don't know what I'm up against out there, but athletic gear seems most appropriate for the kind of action I'm looking for. Got my nice Adidas Sequence sneakers on, which the good folks at the Tennessee athletics department were gracious enough to give me at the start of the year. Seriously, this is the best pair of sneakers I've ever owned. Got my backpack - I kept the textbooks in there, just to add some weight to my load. Shoved a quart of Gatorade, my video camera, and an umbrella in there, too. Oh yeah, and many of you may have also gone out early on Black Friday, but none of you looked this fierce:

3:40 a.m. With backpack in tow, I head out to Target. It's only a five minute drive.

3:45. a.m. Arriving at the shopping center anchored by Target, I learn I wasn't the only one who had the idea to get up early and shop. Not only is the Target parking lot completely full, but the adjacent parking lot abandoned by Circuit City a couple years ago is pretty packed as well. At this point we go to the live broadcast...

The following are a couple of voice recordings from my cell phone. I decided to leave the video camera in the car to avoid stressing out security. The pic is a view of the entrance to Target at about 4:19 a.m. Notice the use of overturned shopping carts to create a corridor which funnels customers to the front doors and keeps folks from cutting in line. Also, notice Santa Hat Guy a couple of spots ahead in line.

This was the checkout line. Even if I'd wanted to buy something, it wasn't worth this.

That guy in green tights was the same one who got shut down for the commemorative photo with his girlfriend. Apparently, that put him over the edge.

So I didn't get the workout I was hoping for. Not even a footrace with a 55-year-old new grandma. That's too bad.

However I did finally get back in action, on Tuesday. Did another jog down to the high school stadium, hopped the bleachers, jogged around some more, then jogged home. It. Felt. Good. By the way, I wore all black on my jog.

I'm like some kind of slightly overweight, working man's Ninja.

That jog seemed to jog my appetite a little bit (you see the pun there?), and being degenerately fixated on Asian food, I celebrated my newfound will to eat with a trip to the new Japanese place on my block.

Other than that, though, I still haven't felt much compulsion to eat. I guess maybe I should just accept it as a good thing and move on. Maybe my stomach's "shrunk" or it's just not expecting as much as it was before.

OH, and then there was Thanksgiving. That wonderful holiday came and went without much to celebrate, because I worked from about noon until around 10 p.m.. It was pretty miserable.

However, for all intents and purposes, I had my Thanksgiving today. Had the night off, ate some turkey and stuff. Alot, but not too much. But who's counting anyway? Watched alot of football. And blogged.

I'm still coughing pretty hard, off and on, so I think I'm going to see the student health clinic on Monday if this persists. I think the workout on Tuesday made it worse, too. I'm still going to try to ease back into the groove, but with the gym being closed and all the other Thanksgiving stuff, my workout schedule has been pretty much kicked in the groin. I promise I'll get back to it by Monday. I'm ahead of schedule anyway so I'm not too worried.

And... fade to black.

TUESDAY 11/23/10 DIET LOG:

9:00 a.m. Fiber One bar

1:30 p.m. 6 oz serving homemade lasagna cresent roll

5:00 p.m. leftover meal at work - 2 chicken wings, plain, one chocolate chip cookie

WORKOUT TUESDAY 11/23/10:

Equipment: football stadium, track, sneakers

Length: 35 minutes, including cool-down walk

Intensity (1 to 7): 6

Exercise: jogged 1/2 mile from my house to football stadium, 1/2 mile on track, hopped bleachers to top of stadium (24 bleachers), another 1/2 mile on track, 1/2 mile home. Walked about 1/3 mile, off and on.

WEDNESDAY 11/24/10 DIET LOG:

10:00 a.m. Fiber One bar

3:00 p.m. lunch portion Hibachi grilled scallops with grilled carrots, zucchini, onions, and such (about 2 cups), about 2 cups fried rice

7:00 p.m. one Sushi roll with tuna/salmon, as if lunch wasn't enough Asian food for the day

NO WORKOUT WEDNESDAY 11/24/10

THURSDAY 11/25/10 DIET LOG:

12:00 p.m. two breakfast sausage links

1:30 p.m. 4 oz slice of turkey

4:00 p.m. about 2 oz each turkey, dressing, sweet potato casserole, and cranberry sauce

NO WORKOUT THURSDAY 11/25/10

FRIDAY 11/26/10 DIET LOG:

10:00 a.m. one small steak biscuit, leftover from parents' Cracker Barrel supper the night before

1:30 p.m. one whole turkey leg, 1 cup turnip greens, 2 oz each dressing and mixed vegetable casserole, two deviled (half) eggs

3:00 p.m. 1/2 slice chocolate pie

7:00 p.m. one turkey wing

NO WORKOUT FRIDAY 11/26/10

Livin' on a Prayer

Wow... this being sick sure has its benefits. I've lost a total of 15 pounds in seven weeks. Ohhh, we're halfway there, 'cause I've been livin' on a prayer for the past week.

I still haven't done any type of aerobic exercise. It's been over a week now. Not that I've been avoiding it. I just couldn't shake the cold on Friday enough to get out of the house. On Saturday, I was pretty much over the aches and fatigue, but a really bad cough set in.

My plan was to go back to Crossfit K-Town for another killer Saturday morning workout. That went by the wayside, though, because the last time I went, I came back wheezing and coughing so much, I thought I might have asthma. When I hacked up my second lung on Saturday morning, I called it off.

I'm pretty much back to health as of today, but my still-stagnant appetite is really the strange thing. Not that I'm complaining. Weighed in this morning, expecting a pound or two to return after the sedentary week. Not so. Apparently the lack of eating three meals a day resulted in a four-pound loss. I'll take it.

Not gonna put this one on water loss, 'cause I've been chugging more Gatorade than ever before, (more than I could remember to keep track of) just to keep hydrated and a few calories coming in. 'Bout one or two quarts a day, best I can remember. Not something I want to continue doing, but it sure didn't hurt in this case, anyway.

I ate alot of brussels sprouts on Friday, by the way. I bought them on my renegade, workout-escaping, health food shopping spree a couple weeks ago, and they needed to be cooked. So I borrowed a concept from the restaurant where I work, and made them with a honey butter glaze. These sprouts are no joke.

I was the only one I knew who ever considered eating brussels sprouts... until they added them to the menu at work. Now I'm finding out there are lots of folks there who think they're excellent, and way more customers than I'd have ever imagined as well. I wonder if maybe it's the way they fix them.

Recipe (for anyone who's interested in brussels sprouts):

At the restaurant, they roast the sprouts with salt/pepper, then sautee them in honey butter with canola oil and bacon crumbles. Well, I improvised. I was in possession of a leftover pan of bacon grease from breakfast, which looked like about three slices' worth of drippings. So after trimming off the stems of the sprouts and slicing them in half, I did the roasting part - about 20-25 minutes on 400 degrees. Then I added about two tablespoons butter, maybe three tablespoons honey, to the grease. Made a glaze that tasted pretty much identical to what they're sauteed in at work, and coated the sprouts with it. I didn't have the bacon crumbles, but so what?

FRIDAY 11/19/10 DIET LOG:

throughout day - two 32 oz bottles Powerade

1 slice toast

2 cups hash browns

1 pound brussels sprouts - That's right, I said one pound. And I meant it. That's alot of sprouts.

meal at work - 3 chicken wings, 1 tablespoon ranch

NO WORKOUT FRIDAY 11/19/10

SATURDAY 11/20/10 DIET LOG:

1 slice toast

1 Fiber One bar

1 large bean burrito - 3/4 cup mashed pinto beans, some lettuce/tomato/diced jalapeno, 1 tablespoon sour cream

meal at work - 5 cold, congealed tater tots, a spot of ketchup (that's British for about a teaspoon), 1/2 chicken patty, a spot of Heinz 57 sauce, 1 roll

NO WORKOUT SATURDAY 11/20/10

SUNDAY 11/21/10 DIET LOG:

1 Fiber One Bar

About 4 oz roast beef, one roll at basketball game

two slices pizza at halftime of basketball game

NO WORKOUT SUNDAY 11/21/10

MONDAY 11/22/10 DIET LOG:

24 oz mixed berry smoothie with about 1/2 cup milk, one cup yogurt, lots of blackberries/raspberries/blueberries/strawberries, and two scoops soy/whey protein powder

one bowl of homemade mushroom soup

NO WORKOUT MONDAY 11/22/10

Give Me A Makeover

30 by 30 needs a personality. A look. A feel.

I've procrastinated long enough on giving this blog a design. Not even sure what parts I can configure on blogger.com, but I'm looking for ideas.

Assuming you've been reading - now that you have a taste of 30 by 30, what are some ideas that come to mind? Some words that personify the blog? Some themes that flow through it?

I'll get into it this weekend and put something together, but I'm pretty sure I got nothin' to start with. I need visual cues. Imagery, maybe? Or maybe just the name of a font. I'm gonna go ahead and veto Comic Sans, so don't even go there.

Give me some ideas for this blog's look, and I promise I'll get back in the gym tomorrow. I'm putting this on you. All 20 of you. Feel that conscience burn.

WEDNESDAY 11/17/10 DIET LOG:

still no appetite

10:00 a.m. about 2 eggs, scrambled, cold, left over from breakfast which I slept through

12:00 p.m. 1/2 of a homemade pastrami wrap with about 2 tablespoons cream cheese, some red onion and black olive, and fresh spinach leaves

7:00 p.m. 1 1/2 cups of a homemade rice/cheese casserole-type dish with about a 4 oz portion of pork chop, about 8 roasted asparagus spears

NO WORKOUT WEDNESDAY 11/17/10

THURSDAY 11/18/10 DIET LOG:

appetite... slowly... returning...

throughout the day: one 32 oz bottle Gatorade and one 32 oz bottle low-calorie G2 Gatorade

10:15 a.m. 2 slices buttered toast, 1 cup OreIda hash browns/onions

5:30 p.m. meal at basketball game - one 6 oz portion chicken cordon bleu, one cup steamed green beans/carrots/mushrooms, one chocolate cookie with M&Ms (oops)

NO WORKOUT THURSDAY 11/18/10

I Just Like To Look At The Pictures

Still feeling kinda under the weather... not much working out going on. And by "not much", I mean "none". Being sick sure does help control the appetite, though.

Don't really feel like talking about the pound I gained on my weigh-in yesterday. Don't really feel like talking much at all, really, since I'm so hoarse. So I'll let some pictures speak for me.

Yes, pictures. Something I've been lacking so far on the blog. Now, 30 by 30 goes illustrated.

Took The Fam on a trip to Cades Cove Saturday morning. There was a hayride and a cookout involved. Good times. Took me a couple days to get them developed, but here's what it looked like:

Daddy and the girls

The Fam

The girls

The Preschooler, clownin' around

The Crawler... crawlin', what else?

The Wife and The Preschooler,

playing in the creek

Critters we seen

Old stuff

The scenery

I like signs.

Some poor schmuck made it necessary to draw this one.

I wouldn't mess with that horse. Seriously.

An oldie, but a goodie.

You can't see the horse 'cause it's camouflaged.

Hello? Smoky Mountains?

Perfectly grilled, all-beef, bun-length franks

Hey! Thats not diet food!

FRIDAY 11/12/10 DIET LOG:

Three 32 oz bottles of Gatorade throughout the day

9:00 a.m. 1 slice toast, 1/2 slice bacon, that the Preschooler didn't finish

2:00 p.m. 1 cup angel hair pasta, about 2 oz chicken

5:00 p.m. meal at work - 7 chicken wings, about 2 tablespoons ranch dressing

NO WORKOUT FRIDAY 11/12/10

SATURDAY 11/13/10 DIET LOG:

not much appetite...

1:00 p.m. 2 beef hot dogs, 2 buns, about 1/2 serving potato chips, one 32 oz bottle of low-calorie G2 Gatorade

4:30 p.m. meal at work - one quesadilla thingy with a half of some kind of beef/black bean hybrid meat patty, one tablespoon sour cream

NO WORKOUT SATURDAY 11/13/10

SUNDAY 11/14/10 DIET LOG:

still no appetite...

1:45 p.m. cheeseburger at volleyball match, 1/2 teaspoon mayo, 1/2 teaspoon ketchup

6:30 p.m. two slices Papa John's pizza with sausage/banana peppers

NO WORKOUT SUNDAY 11/14/10

MONDAY 11/15/10 DIET LOG:

10:00 a.m. one bowl of oatmeal, cold, plain

5:30 p.m. meal at basketball game - one cup pasta with steamed vegetables, 1/2 cup green beans, 1/4 cup lasagna, one roll

NO WORKOUT MONDAY 11/15/10

TUESDAY 11/16/10 DIET LOG:

8:30 a.m. two servings Cracklin' Oat Bran cereal, 3/4 cup milk

12:30 p.m. bowl of homemade mushroom soup

5:45 p.m. one cup chicken stir-fry, one cup fried rice <- Asian

NO WORKOUT TUESDAY 11/16/10

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

Finally starting to see the rewards of all this effort.

There's this pair of black pants that I wear at work. This is the largest-sized pair of pants I've ever worn in my life. I got them a few months ago after the crotch split out of my last pair and I went around the restaurant one night with only an apron hiding my underwear. Pathetic, but true story.

I don't want to buy another pair of pants, even if it means wearing these five nights a week. Mainly 'cause I'm just cheap like that. But it looks like I'm gonna have to pretty soon, because when I took off my belt last night on the walk to my car, they were sagging.

There wasn't much celebration though, 'cause I think I've come down with a bad cold. Not really feeling like doing much of anything. So I think I'll go back to bed now. Sorry, Star-Trac Elliptical Machine #1. Maybe another time.

WEDNESDAY 11/10/10 DIET LOG:

9:00 a.m. about 2 1/2 cups of smoothie, with mango and peaches, about 1 1/2 cup low-fat vanilla yogurt, and two scoops soy/whey protein

12:00 p.m. about a cup of some Kung Pao Chicken meal from the frozen foods section that we fixed the other night, and about a cup of sauteed spinach

4:30 p.m. meal at work - three chicken strips, about 15-20 tater tots

NO WORKOUT WEDNESDAY 11/10/10

THURSDAY 11/10/10 DIET LOG:

9:00 a.m. two servings Cracklin' Oat Bran cereal (my fave), about 3/4 cup milk

12:00 p.m. large salad with about two cups fresh spinach, 1/2 cup dried cranberries, 1/4 cup crushed pralines, 1/4 cup crumbled feta cheese, and one tablespoon balsamic vinaigrette dressing. One avocado, sliced... I think it was going bad, so I didn't finish it.

5:30 p.m. Baked Potato "Au Broc" at Jason's Deli. Huuuge potato, ate about half of it with broccoli, cheese, and bacon.

NO WORKOUT THURSDAY 11/11/10

Highs and Lows

I have a great suggestion for the campus rec center, also formally known as "TRECS"... ready for this?

They need to have their staff erupt in a roaring round of applause whenever someone finishes a super-duper workout.

It couldn't cost them anything. I mean, there are always three or four folks just wandering around, wiping off equipment, changing trash bags, etc. What else do they have to do but stop once in a while and cheer for the Workout Warrior of the hour? (That's what they would call the person they're applauding)

The director of campus rec is a mild-mannered character. He's kind of like your 9th grade math teacher. Pretty straight-laced guy. Seems like he keeps in shape. Very businesslike. I think there's a personality there - in fact, I'm sure he's a great guy if you get to know him, but that would be a really interesting conversation. Here's how I imagine it:

Me: Rex! Hey, man. Glad I finally caught up with you!

Rex: How did you get in my off...

Me: Dude! I got this great idea for creating some energy in the gym!

Rex: I think you need to submit a...

Me: Workout Warriors, man! Every hour, the staff picks a Workout Warrior and celebrates to show their support.

Rex: This is ridiculous, why do we...

Me: Think of the energy, the motivational value, the ATMOSPHERE!

Rex: We have personal trainers for...

Me: I'll just go round up the staff to present it to them...

Rex: I'm going to have to call...

Me (from down the hall): Can't wait to get started!

I'm not making any more excuses for the most recent hiatus. I'll just sum up what's been going on since I last checked in. No more excuses. Not gonna talk about how "life got in the way" or "more important things came up". 'Cause that's just not true.

The last couple of weeks have seen their share of "highs" and "lows". Mainly, though, there were alot of "lows". I couldn't write. I didn't want to write.

Two weeks ago Monday, I had a chip on my shoulder. A score to settle. I'd put myself through a pretty good workout regimen, and that darned scale had the nerve to tell me I'd only taken off a half-pound. Seriously? I'd taken off a half-pound before I ever got in the shower that morning, even before I sweated for 30 minutes in the gym. That half-pound was somewhere in the city sewer system by now. That was just crap.

So I got mad. I proceeded to abuse that poor elliptical machine as if it were an object. And then I had the nerve to taunt it publicly.

I think the extreme aggression motivating me led to severe burnout. Good description here of exactly what that looks like. There was one day - just prior to Halloween - when I mounted the God-Forsaken Exercise Bike and experienced (appropriately enough) a strange feeling of dread and desperation. After five minutes, I just got up and walked away, disgusted and dismayed.

In the midst of the despair, there was a bright spot. The day after the epic fail with the exercise bike, I participated in my first Level 7 intensity workout so far. It was truly Murderiffic. Let me pause and tell you about a fantastic resource for anyone in the Knoxville area.

I was invited to a free, no-strings-attached, group workout at a local gym called CrossFit Ktown by the same buddy who first prompted me to coin the word, "Murderiffic". The philosophy behind CrossFit is very individual-centered, very holistic, and time-efficient. You're trying to get the most all-around fitness for your time, in other words.

There was a diverse group of around 15-20 in attendance, about equally male/female, from teenage through gray hair. I could tell I was easily in the bottom three, as far as aerobic conditioning goes. The workout seemed generalized enough, and customizable enough, that anyone could benefit. The pre-workout warm-up was hard enough, and by the time the actual workout started, I felt like I probably could have quit and called it a legitimate Level 4 workout. But the actual workout couldn't have lasted much more than 10-15 minutes. In the long run, it probably didn't do a whole lot for my overall fitness as much as it boosted my confidence and motivation. But it was a free sample, after all.

The Sunday morning workout with Personal Trainer Buddy a few weeks ago was really hard. Let's be clear. It was a strong Level 6. But that was mostly him pushing me to do my best. I think what pushed this to a Level 7 intensity was the presence of - and competition with - others who were clearly in better shape than me, and who I had no business competing with in the first place.

So that workout had me pretty much on Cloud Nine. That was Saturday. Sunday was Halloween. There's where things went awry. First there was the spontaneous decision to join friends at the Chinese Buffet. If you're following along, this was both completely devastating and completely predictable. A grave weakness of mine. Then, there was pizza on Halloween night. Not just pizza, but cheesesticks too. Not just pizza and cheesesticks, but garlic-butter sauce. Oh - and tortilla chips with cheese dip. More food than I could accurately remember to record in my diet log. Really, all of my memories of Halloween night seem to dissolve into a haze of cheesy goodness.

Remember Monday? The part where I weigh in? That part comes next.

The verse tabbed Galatians 6:7 in the King James Version of the Holy Bible includes the commonly referenced passage, "...whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap." What I reaped on that day, after practically 24 hours of straight-up sin, was a three-and-a-half pound gain on the scale.

I'm flat-out bummed at this point. What am I doing? Did I just erase my last two weeks of effort? Why am I even trying? What is the point? Am I already too old for a serious attempt at weight loss? Who's gonna notice if I just stop doing this? Why am I thinking in italics?

Needless to say, it was a trying couple of weeks. I continued working out - even had some really good, Level 6 workouts. It wasn't like before. I had to endure two or three days of malaise before I could build up enough anger at myself to go do it again. It was a love-hate relationship with exercise. It was classic burnout.

One day last week, I got up, did my usual routine, and left for the gym. Only, I didn't make it to the gym. I stopped about a half-mile from my house, detoured, and went to the grocery store instead.

I like the grocery store. Some folks look at grocery shopping like I look at mowing the lawn. I view grocery shopping as not only an educational activity, but a form of entertainment. I get a kick out of comparing coffee brands by price per ounce. There's a special thrill involved in finding a close-out on that brand of deodorant I've been eyeing. I like daydreaming about what I could possibly do with the weekly meat specials, discovering yet-unknown values in the obscure corners of the organic foods section. Yes, if you didn't already know... I have a few quirks.

Some readers have stressed to me the importance of protein recently, and another comment I received questioned the wisdom of the four-bacon-strip breakfast. So my diversion... err, mission quickly became a quest for more breakfast variety. Something outside the usual fatty bacon/sausage, cholesterol-laden eggs, or bland oatmeal. I found a couple of things.

One breakthrough discovery I made was Turkey Spam. You're thinking, "Spam = fake meat. That can't be good." I'm telling you it's perfect. Alot of folks eat turkey bacon as an alternative to pork bacon, but the two bacons are deceptively similar. If you examine the packaging carefully and compare apples-to-apples, the nutritional difference is minimal. Turkey bacon may take out some fat, but it also takes out a comparable amount of protein. So you have to eat twice as much turkey bacon to get the same protein as pork bacon. Turkey Spam has nearly three times the protein per fat gram as turkey bacon and nearly four times that of pork bacon or breakfast sausage. So just call me Sir Spam-a-lot.

And Egg Beaters. Call me crazy, I had a misconception that this stuff was "fake egg". But looking at the package - it's really just egg whites with some food coloring and some natural flavorings to compensate for the extraction of yolk. You get most of the protein, none of the fat, and none of the cholesterol.

The other great breakfast idea I got was smoothies. I bought a ton of fruit from the frozen food section. Pineapple and coconut with a dash of lime juice for a pina colada smoothie. Mango and peaches for a tropical fruit smoothie. Strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, and blackberries for a mixed berry smoothie. Banana to blend with any of the above. And low-fat vanilla yogurt to provide the "smooth". To top it all off, I got some soy/whey protein powder, which thickens the drink and adds 25 grams of protein per serving - or the amount in about three servings of Turkey Spam. Now if only I can find a way to work coffee into my smoothies somehow.

With another weigh-in approaching on Monday, I got up the resolve to get back in the gym on Saturday. A three-and-a-half pound gain was bad enough. Another gain would just put me back where I started five weeks ago, and realistically, it would probably just end this thing altogether. The blog would perish. I'd lose out on all those AdSense bucks and most important I'd be publicly humiliated. How's that for motivation? I worked out pretty hard three days in a row.

Got back on the scale Monday. Hoping to break even. What happened next? Just an eight-and-a-half pound loss last week, is all.

Turns out, the three-and-a-half pound gain was probably a fluke. My theory is water retention - most likely due to all the sodium in the Chinese, pizza, and cheese dip from Halloween. That should have tempered my dismal outlook from the start, but I was only looking for immediate gratification.

For two weeks, I only saw the numbers -0.5 and +3.5, but the last weigh-in tells the rest of the story - it puts me at over five pounds in the last three weeks. Net weight loss to date: 12 pounds in 5 weeks.

Lesson here: weight loss is a long-term commitment - a lifestyle change, not a video game. It's a marathon, not a sprint. Maybe I really ought to weigh in monthly - rather than weekly - for the most accurate results. But then what kind of drama would I blog about?

From here on, there's no looking back. No excuses. If I fall behind on blogging, I'm not gonna stress over keeping all my logs up to date, or thinking of what to write next. This is supposed to be fun, or it won't have legs.

And no more threats, grudges, or vendettas. Let's keep our cool. 30 by 30 doesn't do angry rants at itself anymore. No more "hulking out". Let's just keep a steady pace and push through any setbacks, starting right back where we left off. No need to make up for lost time. No more empty promises at all.

I guarantee.

TUESDAY 11/9/10 DIET LOG:

9:00 a.m. huge, under-400 calorie omelet... three servings Egg Beaters, 1/4 cup shredded mozzarella, one serving Turkey Spam, cubed, 1/4 of a medium onion, and about two cups fresh, shredded leaf spinach (it cooks down)

12:00 p.m. large salad with about two cups fresh spinach, 1/2 cup dried cranberries, 1/4 cup crushed pralines, 1/4 cup crumbled feta cheese, and one tablespoon balsamic vinaigrette dressing

4:30 p.m. meal at work - "chicken 'n waffles" - three chicken strips, one mini-waffle (2-3 oz), one tablespoon maple syrup

TUESDAY 11/9/10 WORKOUT:

Equipment: sneakers, football stadium

Length: about 20 minutes

Intensity (1 to 7): 5

Exercise: jogged 1/2 mile from my house to high school football stadium, did 15 flat-footed hops up the bleachers, jogged once around the bleachers, jogged once around the 1/4 mile track, did 15 more hops, jogged once more around the bleachers, jogged 1/2 mile home. No rest. Total jogging about 1 1/2 miles.