Back in Black

Black. The color of cast-iron skillets. The color of most pens. The color of these words.

Black is the new brown. Black is urban and hip. Black is the color of the Friday after Thanksgiving, and the color of the sky at the wee hour when millions of folks go out to worship at the shrine of the retail gods.

Who would engage in such a ghastly, primitive ritual? Surely not I. Surely.

Guess again.

Always one to "try anything once", I've never actually been out on a Black Friday shopping experience, and I wanted to see what all the fuss is about. This year was a perfect opportunity. The Fam is all out of town, so I'm pretty much free to come and go as I please. Maybe get up early, do a little poking around at a Wal-Mart or a Toys R Us, then crawl back in bed and snooze a while longer.

So I set about to do just that this morning - and I intended to document the experience in full.

We've all heard the Black Friday horror stories about people being trampled to death for a flatscreen TV, or being punched in the face for a Tickle-Me Elmo. I understand some tragedies have occurred as a result of an unruly mob's pursuit of an insane shopping deal. But surely nothing like that goes on in little ol' Knoxville, Tennessee, right?

I mean, out of 250,000 people in this town, only a fraction of those are crazy enough to go out at 4 a.m., right? And even then, that fraction would be spread out over 15-20 various mega-outlets... Wal-Marts, Targets, K-Marts, Sears's, Toys R Us's, and Best Buys, just to name a few. There wouldn't be any lives in danger, but I figured there'd still be large crowds, maybe even some unruly ones.

In fact, secretly, I was hoping to get in on some of the running, shoving, shouting, clamoring, wrestling action just for fun. Maybe find my way to a super-deal by following the herd, and then get in a good workout as I took advantage of the opportunity to commit socially acceptable and harmless violence on my fellow man. Maybe sell whatever I bought on E-Bay for some extra Christmas cash. Maybe just participate in the frenzy and leave empty-handed, but no poorer than I came and with some hilarious anecdotes to blog about. I'll just go ahead and tell you... I was really let down by my Black Friday experience.

Here's how it got started:

3:00 a.m. Woken up by alarm clock. Giving serious thought to going back to sleep, given that I was lying in bed awake until around 1 a.m. and didn't get more than two hours' sleep, max. Remembered the coffee that I'd programmed to brew at 2:45 a.m... well, I at least had to get up and shut the pot off.

3:05 a.m. Research time. I wanted to find out if I was going through with this, where my point of attack would be. Got online and went through the options. Wal-Mart was the type of place I'd had in mind - the kind of store that attracts the plaid-and-camo-wearing, diesel-driving, singing-fish-buying crowd. Problem with Wal-Mart was, it's open 24 hours/day so there wouldn't be a big grand opening. Same with Toys R Us... they opened at 10 p.m. Sears wasn't a big enough toy destination, and there was a pretty good chance I could find myself making a beeline for the latest collectors' fad - Squinkies. I heard they were selling out fast. K-Mart is a little too unattractive to ever go in there. Best Buy - I might accidentally break and/or buy something I can't afford. So I settled on Target. They open at 4 a.m. today. Perfect.

3:15 a.m. Pouring my coffee into a mug. Gonna take a shower (why? because I'm quirky like that. See this earlier post for more info), and I want that cup of coffee down to a perfect sipping temp by the time I'm done. Don't wanna boin my widdow mouffie...

3:20 a.m. Hot, hot shower wakes me up a little bit too.

3:30 a.m. Decked out in sweats, for comfort and full range of motion. Don't know what I'm up against out there, but athletic gear seems most appropriate for the kind of action I'm looking for. Got my nice Adidas Sequence sneakers on, which the good folks at the Tennessee athletics department were gracious enough to give me at the start of the year. Seriously, this is the best pair of sneakers I've ever owned. Got my backpack - I kept the textbooks in there, just to add some weight to my load. Shoved a quart of Gatorade, my video camera, and an umbrella in there, too. Oh yeah, and many of you may have also gone out early on Black Friday, but none of you looked this fierce:

3:40 a.m. With backpack in tow, I head out to Target. It's only a five minute drive.

3:45. a.m. Arriving at the shopping center anchored by Target, I learn I wasn't the only one who had the idea to get up early and shop. Not only is the Target parking lot completely full, but the adjacent parking lot abandoned by Circuit City a couple years ago is pretty packed as well. At this point we go to the live broadcast...

The following are a couple of voice recordings from my cell phone. I decided to leave the video camera in the car to avoid stressing out security. The pic is a view of the entrance to Target at about 4:19 a.m. Notice the use of overturned shopping carts to create a corridor which funnels customers to the front doors and keeps folks from cutting in line. Also, notice Santa Hat Guy a couple of spots ahead in line.

This was the checkout line. Even if I'd wanted to buy something, it wasn't worth this.

That guy in green tights was the same one who got shut down for the commemorative photo with his girlfriend. Apparently, that put him over the edge.

So I didn't get the workout I was hoping for. Not even a footrace with a 55-year-old new grandma. That's too bad.

However I did finally get back in action, on Tuesday. Did another jog down to the high school stadium, hopped the bleachers, jogged around some more, then jogged home. It. Felt. Good. By the way, I wore all black on my jog.

I'm like some kind of slightly overweight, working man's Ninja.

That jog seemed to jog my appetite a little bit (you see the pun there?), and being degenerately fixated on Asian food, I celebrated my newfound will to eat with a trip to the new Japanese place on my block.

Other than that, though, I still haven't felt much compulsion to eat. I guess maybe I should just accept it as a good thing and move on. Maybe my stomach's "shrunk" or it's just not expecting as much as it was before.

OH, and then there was Thanksgiving. That wonderful holiday came and went without much to celebrate, because I worked from about noon until around 10 p.m.. It was pretty miserable.

However, for all intents and purposes, I had my Thanksgiving today. Had the night off, ate some turkey and stuff. Alot, but not too much. But who's counting anyway? Watched alot of football. And blogged.

I'm still coughing pretty hard, off and on, so I think I'm going to see the student health clinic on Monday if this persists. I think the workout on Tuesday made it worse, too. I'm still going to try to ease back into the groove, but with the gym being closed and all the other Thanksgiving stuff, my workout schedule has been pretty much kicked in the groin. I promise I'll get back to it by Monday. I'm ahead of schedule anyway so I'm not too worried.

And... fade to black.

TUESDAY 11/23/10 DIET LOG:

9:00 a.m. Fiber One bar

1:30 p.m. 6 oz serving homemade lasagna cresent roll

5:00 p.m. leftover meal at work - 2 chicken wings, plain, one chocolate chip cookie

WORKOUT TUESDAY 11/23/10:

Equipment: football stadium, track, sneakers

Length: 35 minutes, including cool-down walk

Intensity (1 to 7): 6

Exercise: jogged 1/2 mile from my house to football stadium, 1/2 mile on track, hopped bleachers to top of stadium (24 bleachers), another 1/2 mile on track, 1/2 mile home. Walked about 1/3 mile, off and on.

WEDNESDAY 11/24/10 DIET LOG:

10:00 a.m. Fiber One bar

3:00 p.m. lunch portion Hibachi grilled scallops with grilled carrots, zucchini, onions, and such (about 2 cups), about 2 cups fried rice

7:00 p.m. one Sushi roll with tuna/salmon, as if lunch wasn't enough Asian food for the day

NO WORKOUT WEDNESDAY 11/24/10

THURSDAY 11/25/10 DIET LOG:

12:00 p.m. two breakfast sausage links

1:30 p.m. 4 oz slice of turkey

4:00 p.m. about 2 oz each turkey, dressing, sweet potato casserole, and cranberry sauce

NO WORKOUT THURSDAY 11/25/10

FRIDAY 11/26/10 DIET LOG:

10:00 a.m. one small steak biscuit, leftover from parents' Cracker Barrel supper the night before

1:30 p.m. one whole turkey leg, 1 cup turnip greens, 2 oz each dressing and mixed vegetable casserole, two deviled (half) eggs

3:00 p.m. 1/2 slice chocolate pie

7:00 p.m. one turkey wing

NO WORKOUT FRIDAY 11/26/10

Livin' on a Prayer

Wow... this being sick sure has its benefits. I've lost a total of 15 pounds in seven weeks. Ohhh, we're halfway there, 'cause I've been livin' on a prayer for the past week.

I still haven't done any type of aerobic exercise. It's been over a week now. Not that I've been avoiding it. I just couldn't shake the cold on Friday enough to get out of the house. On Saturday, I was pretty much over the aches and fatigue, but a really bad cough set in.

My plan was to go back to Crossfit K-Town for another killer Saturday morning workout. That went by the wayside, though, because the last time I went, I came back wheezing and coughing so much, I thought I might have asthma. When I hacked up my second lung on Saturday morning, I called it off.

I'm pretty much back to health as of today, but my still-stagnant appetite is really the strange thing. Not that I'm complaining. Weighed in this morning, expecting a pound or two to return after the sedentary week. Not so. Apparently the lack of eating three meals a day resulted in a four-pound loss. I'll take it.

Not gonna put this one on water loss, 'cause I've been chugging more Gatorade than ever before, (more than I could remember to keep track of) just to keep hydrated and a few calories coming in. 'Bout one or two quarts a day, best I can remember. Not something I want to continue doing, but it sure didn't hurt in this case, anyway.

I ate alot of brussels sprouts on Friday, by the way. I bought them on my renegade, workout-escaping, health food shopping spree a couple weeks ago, and they needed to be cooked. So I borrowed a concept from the restaurant where I work, and made them with a honey butter glaze. These sprouts are no joke.

I was the only one I knew who ever considered eating brussels sprouts... until they added them to the menu at work. Now I'm finding out there are lots of folks there who think they're excellent, and way more customers than I'd have ever imagined as well. I wonder if maybe it's the way they fix them.

Recipe (for anyone who's interested in brussels sprouts):

At the restaurant, they roast the sprouts with salt/pepper, then sautee them in honey butter with canola oil and bacon crumbles. Well, I improvised. I was in possession of a leftover pan of bacon grease from breakfast, which looked like about three slices' worth of drippings. So after trimming off the stems of the sprouts and slicing them in half, I did the roasting part - about 20-25 minutes on 400 degrees. Then I added about two tablespoons butter, maybe three tablespoons honey, to the grease. Made a glaze that tasted pretty much identical to what they're sauteed in at work, and coated the sprouts with it. I didn't have the bacon crumbles, but so what?

FRIDAY 11/19/10 DIET LOG:

throughout day - two 32 oz bottles Powerade

1 slice toast

2 cups hash browns

1 pound brussels sprouts - That's right, I said one pound. And I meant it. That's alot of sprouts.

meal at work - 3 chicken wings, 1 tablespoon ranch

NO WORKOUT FRIDAY 11/19/10

SATURDAY 11/20/10 DIET LOG:

1 slice toast

1 Fiber One bar

1 large bean burrito - 3/4 cup mashed pinto beans, some lettuce/tomato/diced jalapeno, 1 tablespoon sour cream

meal at work - 5 cold, congealed tater tots, a spot of ketchup (that's British for about a teaspoon), 1/2 chicken patty, a spot of Heinz 57 sauce, 1 roll

NO WORKOUT SATURDAY 11/20/10

SUNDAY 11/21/10 DIET LOG:

1 Fiber One Bar

About 4 oz roast beef, one roll at basketball game

two slices pizza at halftime of basketball game

NO WORKOUT SUNDAY 11/21/10

MONDAY 11/22/10 DIET LOG:

24 oz mixed berry smoothie with about 1/2 cup milk, one cup yogurt, lots of blackberries/raspberries/blueberries/strawberries, and two scoops soy/whey protein powder

one bowl of homemade mushroom soup

NO WORKOUT MONDAY 11/22/10

Give Me A Makeover

30 by 30 needs a personality. A look. A feel.

I've procrastinated long enough on giving this blog a design. Not even sure what parts I can configure on blogger.com, but I'm looking for ideas.

Assuming you've been reading - now that you have a taste of 30 by 30, what are some ideas that come to mind? Some words that personify the blog? Some themes that flow through it?

I'll get into it this weekend and put something together, but I'm pretty sure I got nothin' to start with. I need visual cues. Imagery, maybe? Or maybe just the name of a font. I'm gonna go ahead and veto Comic Sans, so don't even go there.

Give me some ideas for this blog's look, and I promise I'll get back in the gym tomorrow. I'm putting this on you. All 20 of you. Feel that conscience burn.

WEDNESDAY 11/17/10 DIET LOG:

still no appetite

10:00 a.m. about 2 eggs, scrambled, cold, left over from breakfast which I slept through

12:00 p.m. 1/2 of a homemade pastrami wrap with about 2 tablespoons cream cheese, some red onion and black olive, and fresh spinach leaves

7:00 p.m. 1 1/2 cups of a homemade rice/cheese casserole-type dish with about a 4 oz portion of pork chop, about 8 roasted asparagus spears

NO WORKOUT WEDNESDAY 11/17/10

THURSDAY 11/18/10 DIET LOG:

appetite... slowly... returning...

throughout the day: one 32 oz bottle Gatorade and one 32 oz bottle low-calorie G2 Gatorade

10:15 a.m. 2 slices buttered toast, 1 cup OreIda hash browns/onions

5:30 p.m. meal at basketball game - one 6 oz portion chicken cordon bleu, one cup steamed green beans/carrots/mushrooms, one chocolate cookie with M&Ms (oops)

NO WORKOUT THURSDAY 11/18/10

I Just Like To Look At The Pictures

Still feeling kinda under the weather... not much working out going on. And by "not much", I mean "none". Being sick sure does help control the appetite, though.

Don't really feel like talking about the pound I gained on my weigh-in yesterday. Don't really feel like talking much at all, really, since I'm so hoarse. So I'll let some pictures speak for me.

Yes, pictures. Something I've been lacking so far on the blog. Now, 30 by 30 goes illustrated.

Took The Fam on a trip to Cades Cove Saturday morning. There was a hayride and a cookout involved. Good times. Took me a couple days to get them developed, but here's what it looked like:

Daddy and the girls

The Fam

The girls

The Preschooler, clownin' around

The Crawler... crawlin', what else?

The Wife and The Preschooler,

playing in the creek

Critters we seen

Old stuff

The scenery

I like signs.

Some poor schmuck made it necessary to draw this one.

I wouldn't mess with that horse. Seriously.

An oldie, but a goodie.

You can't see the horse 'cause it's camouflaged.

Hello? Smoky Mountains?

Perfectly grilled, all-beef, bun-length franks

Hey! Thats not diet food!

FRIDAY 11/12/10 DIET LOG:

Three 32 oz bottles of Gatorade throughout the day

9:00 a.m. 1 slice toast, 1/2 slice bacon, that the Preschooler didn't finish

2:00 p.m. 1 cup angel hair pasta, about 2 oz chicken

5:00 p.m. meal at work - 7 chicken wings, about 2 tablespoons ranch dressing

NO WORKOUT FRIDAY 11/12/10

SATURDAY 11/13/10 DIET LOG:

not much appetite...

1:00 p.m. 2 beef hot dogs, 2 buns, about 1/2 serving potato chips, one 32 oz bottle of low-calorie G2 Gatorade

4:30 p.m. meal at work - one quesadilla thingy with a half of some kind of beef/black bean hybrid meat patty, one tablespoon sour cream

NO WORKOUT SATURDAY 11/13/10

SUNDAY 11/14/10 DIET LOG:

still no appetite...

1:45 p.m. cheeseburger at volleyball match, 1/2 teaspoon mayo, 1/2 teaspoon ketchup

6:30 p.m. two slices Papa John's pizza with sausage/banana peppers

NO WORKOUT SUNDAY 11/14/10

MONDAY 11/15/10 DIET LOG:

10:00 a.m. one bowl of oatmeal, cold, plain

5:30 p.m. meal at basketball game - one cup pasta with steamed vegetables, 1/2 cup green beans, 1/4 cup lasagna, one roll

NO WORKOUT MONDAY 11/15/10

TUESDAY 11/16/10 DIET LOG:

8:30 a.m. two servings Cracklin' Oat Bran cereal, 3/4 cup milk

12:30 p.m. bowl of homemade mushroom soup

5:45 p.m. one cup chicken stir-fry, one cup fried rice <- Asian

NO WORKOUT TUESDAY 11/16/10

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

Finally starting to see the rewards of all this effort.

There's this pair of black pants that I wear at work. This is the largest-sized pair of pants I've ever worn in my life. I got them a few months ago after the crotch split out of my last pair and I went around the restaurant one night with only an apron hiding my underwear. Pathetic, but true story.

I don't want to buy another pair of pants, even if it means wearing these five nights a week. Mainly 'cause I'm just cheap like that. But it looks like I'm gonna have to pretty soon, because when I took off my belt last night on the walk to my car, they were sagging.

There wasn't much celebration though, 'cause I think I've come down with a bad cold. Not really feeling like doing much of anything. So I think I'll go back to bed now. Sorry, Star-Trac Elliptical Machine #1. Maybe another time.

WEDNESDAY 11/10/10 DIET LOG:

9:00 a.m. about 2 1/2 cups of smoothie, with mango and peaches, about 1 1/2 cup low-fat vanilla yogurt, and two scoops soy/whey protein

12:00 p.m. about a cup of some Kung Pao Chicken meal from the frozen foods section that we fixed the other night, and about a cup of sauteed spinach

4:30 p.m. meal at work - three chicken strips, about 15-20 tater tots

NO WORKOUT WEDNESDAY 11/10/10

THURSDAY 11/10/10 DIET LOG:

9:00 a.m. two servings Cracklin' Oat Bran cereal (my fave), about 3/4 cup milk

12:00 p.m. large salad with about two cups fresh spinach, 1/2 cup dried cranberries, 1/4 cup crushed pralines, 1/4 cup crumbled feta cheese, and one tablespoon balsamic vinaigrette dressing. One avocado, sliced... I think it was going bad, so I didn't finish it.

5:30 p.m. Baked Potato "Au Broc" at Jason's Deli. Huuuge potato, ate about half of it with broccoli, cheese, and bacon.

NO WORKOUT THURSDAY 11/11/10

Highs and Lows

I have a great suggestion for the campus rec center, also formally known as "TRECS"... ready for this?

They need to have their staff erupt in a roaring round of applause whenever someone finishes a super-duper workout.

It couldn't cost them anything. I mean, there are always three or four folks just wandering around, wiping off equipment, changing trash bags, etc. What else do they have to do but stop once in a while and cheer for the Workout Warrior of the hour? (That's what they would call the person they're applauding)

The director of campus rec is a mild-mannered character. He's kind of like your 9th grade math teacher. Pretty straight-laced guy. Seems like he keeps in shape. Very businesslike. I think there's a personality there - in fact, I'm sure he's a great guy if you get to know him, but that would be a really interesting conversation. Here's how I imagine it:

Me: Rex! Hey, man. Glad I finally caught up with you!

Rex: How did you get in my off...

Me: Dude! I got this great idea for creating some energy in the gym!

Rex: I think you need to submit a...

Me: Workout Warriors, man! Every hour, the staff picks a Workout Warrior and celebrates to show their support.

Rex: This is ridiculous, why do we...

Me: Think of the energy, the motivational value, the ATMOSPHERE!

Rex: We have personal trainers for...

Me: I'll just go round up the staff to present it to them...

Rex: I'm going to have to call...

Me (from down the hall): Can't wait to get started!

I'm not making any more excuses for the most recent hiatus. I'll just sum up what's been going on since I last checked in. No more excuses. Not gonna talk about how "life got in the way" or "more important things came up". 'Cause that's just not true.

The last couple of weeks have seen their share of "highs" and "lows". Mainly, though, there were alot of "lows". I couldn't write. I didn't want to write.

Two weeks ago Monday, I had a chip on my shoulder. A score to settle. I'd put myself through a pretty good workout regimen, and that darned scale had the nerve to tell me I'd only taken off a half-pound. Seriously? I'd taken off a half-pound before I ever got in the shower that morning, even before I sweated for 30 minutes in the gym. That half-pound was somewhere in the city sewer system by now. That was just crap.

So I got mad. I proceeded to abuse that poor elliptical machine as if it were an object. And then I had the nerve to taunt it publicly.

I think the extreme aggression motivating me led to severe burnout. Good description here of exactly what that looks like. There was one day - just prior to Halloween - when I mounted the God-Forsaken Exercise Bike and experienced (appropriately enough) a strange feeling of dread and desperation. After five minutes, I just got up and walked away, disgusted and dismayed.

In the midst of the despair, there was a bright spot. The day after the epic fail with the exercise bike, I participated in my first Level 7 intensity workout so far. It was truly Murderiffic. Let me pause and tell you about a fantastic resource for anyone in the Knoxville area.

I was invited to a free, no-strings-attached, group workout at a local gym called CrossFit Ktown by the same buddy who first prompted me to coin the word, "Murderiffic". The philosophy behind CrossFit is very individual-centered, very holistic, and time-efficient. You're trying to get the most all-around fitness for your time, in other words.

There was a diverse group of around 15-20 in attendance, about equally male/female, from teenage through gray hair. I could tell I was easily in the bottom three, as far as aerobic conditioning goes. The workout seemed generalized enough, and customizable enough, that anyone could benefit. The pre-workout warm-up was hard enough, and by the time the actual workout started, I felt like I probably could have quit and called it a legitimate Level 4 workout. But the actual workout couldn't have lasted much more than 10-15 minutes. In the long run, it probably didn't do a whole lot for my overall fitness as much as it boosted my confidence and motivation. But it was a free sample, after all.

The Sunday morning workout with Personal Trainer Buddy a few weeks ago was really hard. Let's be clear. It was a strong Level 6. But that was mostly him pushing me to do my best. I think what pushed this to a Level 7 intensity was the presence of - and competition with - others who were clearly in better shape than me, and who I had no business competing with in the first place.

So that workout had me pretty much on Cloud Nine. That was Saturday. Sunday was Halloween. There's where things went awry. First there was the spontaneous decision to join friends at the Chinese Buffet. If you're following along, this was both completely devastating and completely predictable. A grave weakness of mine. Then, there was pizza on Halloween night. Not just pizza, but cheesesticks too. Not just pizza and cheesesticks, but garlic-butter sauce. Oh - and tortilla chips with cheese dip. More food than I could accurately remember to record in my diet log. Really, all of my memories of Halloween night seem to dissolve into a haze of cheesy goodness.

Remember Monday? The part where I weigh in? That part comes next.

The verse tabbed Galatians 6:7 in the King James Version of the Holy Bible includes the commonly referenced passage, "...whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap." What I reaped on that day, after practically 24 hours of straight-up sin, was a three-and-a-half pound gain on the scale.

I'm flat-out bummed at this point. What am I doing? Did I just erase my last two weeks of effort? Why am I even trying? What is the point? Am I already too old for a serious attempt at weight loss? Who's gonna notice if I just stop doing this? Why am I thinking in italics?

Needless to say, it was a trying couple of weeks. I continued working out - even had some really good, Level 6 workouts. It wasn't like before. I had to endure two or three days of malaise before I could build up enough anger at myself to go do it again. It was a love-hate relationship with exercise. It was classic burnout.

One day last week, I got up, did my usual routine, and left for the gym. Only, I didn't make it to the gym. I stopped about a half-mile from my house, detoured, and went to the grocery store instead.

I like the grocery store. Some folks look at grocery shopping like I look at mowing the lawn. I view grocery shopping as not only an educational activity, but a form of entertainment. I get a kick out of comparing coffee brands by price per ounce. There's a special thrill involved in finding a close-out on that brand of deodorant I've been eyeing. I like daydreaming about what I could possibly do with the weekly meat specials, discovering yet-unknown values in the obscure corners of the organic foods section. Yes, if you didn't already know... I have a few quirks.

Some readers have stressed to me the importance of protein recently, and another comment I received questioned the wisdom of the four-bacon-strip breakfast. So my diversion... err, mission quickly became a quest for more breakfast variety. Something outside the usual fatty bacon/sausage, cholesterol-laden eggs, or bland oatmeal. I found a couple of things.

One breakthrough discovery I made was Turkey Spam. You're thinking, "Spam = fake meat. That can't be good." I'm telling you it's perfect. Alot of folks eat turkey bacon as an alternative to pork bacon, but the two bacons are deceptively similar. If you examine the packaging carefully and compare apples-to-apples, the nutritional difference is minimal. Turkey bacon may take out some fat, but it also takes out a comparable amount of protein. So you have to eat twice as much turkey bacon to get the same protein as pork bacon. Turkey Spam has nearly three times the protein per fat gram as turkey bacon and nearly four times that of pork bacon or breakfast sausage. So just call me Sir Spam-a-lot.

And Egg Beaters. Call me crazy, I had a misconception that this stuff was "fake egg". But looking at the package - it's really just egg whites with some food coloring and some natural flavorings to compensate for the extraction of yolk. You get most of the protein, none of the fat, and none of the cholesterol.

The other great breakfast idea I got was smoothies. I bought a ton of fruit from the frozen food section. Pineapple and coconut with a dash of lime juice for a pina colada smoothie. Mango and peaches for a tropical fruit smoothie. Strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, and blackberries for a mixed berry smoothie. Banana to blend with any of the above. And low-fat vanilla yogurt to provide the "smooth". To top it all off, I got some soy/whey protein powder, which thickens the drink and adds 25 grams of protein per serving - or the amount in about three servings of Turkey Spam. Now if only I can find a way to work coffee into my smoothies somehow.

With another weigh-in approaching on Monday, I got up the resolve to get back in the gym on Saturday. A three-and-a-half pound gain was bad enough. Another gain would just put me back where I started five weeks ago, and realistically, it would probably just end this thing altogether. The blog would perish. I'd lose out on all those AdSense bucks and most important I'd be publicly humiliated. How's that for motivation? I worked out pretty hard three days in a row.

Got back on the scale Monday. Hoping to break even. What happened next? Just an eight-and-a-half pound loss last week, is all.

Turns out, the three-and-a-half pound gain was probably a fluke. My theory is water retention - most likely due to all the sodium in the Chinese, pizza, and cheese dip from Halloween. That should have tempered my dismal outlook from the start, but I was only looking for immediate gratification.

For two weeks, I only saw the numbers -0.5 and +3.5, but the last weigh-in tells the rest of the story - it puts me at over five pounds in the last three weeks. Net weight loss to date: 12 pounds in 5 weeks.

Lesson here: weight loss is a long-term commitment - a lifestyle change, not a video game. It's a marathon, not a sprint. Maybe I really ought to weigh in monthly - rather than weekly - for the most accurate results. But then what kind of drama would I blog about?

From here on, there's no looking back. No excuses. If I fall behind on blogging, I'm not gonna stress over keeping all my logs up to date, or thinking of what to write next. This is supposed to be fun, or it won't have legs.

And no more threats, grudges, or vendettas. Let's keep our cool. 30 by 30 doesn't do angry rants at itself anymore. No more "hulking out". Let's just keep a steady pace and push through any setbacks, starting right back where we left off. No need to make up for lost time. No more empty promises at all.

I guarantee.

TUESDAY 11/9/10 DIET LOG:

9:00 a.m. huge, under-400 calorie omelet... three servings Egg Beaters, 1/4 cup shredded mozzarella, one serving Turkey Spam, cubed, 1/4 of a medium onion, and about two cups fresh, shredded leaf spinach (it cooks down)

12:00 p.m. large salad with about two cups fresh spinach, 1/2 cup dried cranberries, 1/4 cup crushed pralines, 1/4 cup crumbled feta cheese, and one tablespoon balsamic vinaigrette dressing

4:30 p.m. meal at work - "chicken 'n waffles" - three chicken strips, one mini-waffle (2-3 oz), one tablespoon maple syrup

TUESDAY 11/9/10 WORKOUT:

Equipment: sneakers, football stadium

Length: about 20 minutes

Intensity (1 to 7): 5

Exercise: jogged 1/2 mile from my house to high school football stadium, did 15 flat-footed hops up the bleachers, jogged once around the bleachers, jogged once around the 1/4 mile track, did 15 more hops, jogged once more around the bleachers, jogged 1/2 mile home. No rest. Total jogging about 1 1/2 miles.